I am just… I mean, I, have. no. I. Where do I begin with this piece? I am without an appropriate response to this. So I am just going to let you come to your own conclusion:
After working with a personal trainer for six weeks in California to get in shape for her upcoming challenge, Budgor, along with a similarly adventurous friend, returned to Winston. He reneged on his offer, but the determined women found their way to a more open-minded warrior named Lanet, in Nairobi, who agreed to take them on.
They headed into the African bush with essentials: tartan sheets for clothing, metal tips for spears and, for Budgor, a bottle of Chanel Dragon red nail polish (“It just made me feel fierce,” she explained) and a pair of pearl earrings to remind her of home.
Lanet and six other warriors then led them through a month of surreal tasks that were both physically and mentally challenging: sleeping on the ground in a communal bed of leaves and branches, going days without food, getting bloody blisters on her hands as she practiced spear-hunting skills, and, incredibly, suffocating a goat to death and drinking its warm blood (which Budgor vomited up immediately).
“The entire time I never put a brush through my hair.”
In the voice and intonation of John Malkovich in Burn After Reading, “With all due respect. What. The. Fuck?”